I severely despise phone salesmen. I mean yes, they are also human, as are all salesmen, and while this could be a reason to cut them some slack, let them pass with the usual, “They’re just doing their job”, I don’t want to.
I believe that the fact that they’re human is the same reason as to why I despise them so, and if they weren’t human, perhaps a dog, I wouldn’t be nearly as upset. Perhaps I’m using a dog as an example just because mine passed away recently, but have you ever heard a sales pitch from a dog, a Dalmatian, a Pomeranian, or a Shih-tzu? Me neither.
The best type of salesperson is the one that is making it abundantly clear that they are a salesperson, or even better, that they are a phone salesman, and yes I would say that there is a difference between the two terms.
“Hi, I’m calling from ´HVS For You´, is this Mr. Lakefield I’m speaking to?”
No thank you, and I hang up. Sometimes the conversation goes on for longer than two sentences, being caught up in other thoughts, before I give an automatic thoughtless reply.
“Yes.”
“We recently provided your neighbor with checking, cleaning, and renovation of a ventilation unit in their kitchen, and were calling you Mr Lakefield, to see if that would be something you would be interested in as well.”
“No thank you, I am not interested. Goodbye, have a good day.”
“Have a good d...”
They make sure to let you know that they are calling from a company, of course, as they all ought to do, although some are more sleek and subtle when doing it, while the ones I prefer, are the ones that make it abundantly clear that they are calling as a phone salesman. They also call you at a good time, often after lunch, when you haven’t had the time to get back into the groove of monotonous work. It doesn’t matter if you take a phone call unrelated to work, it doesn’t break the flow of your motivation. When they call you, they have an overly respectful tone, as well as tell you almost immediately why they are calling and what they are providing. In other words, they are absolutely, undoubtedly, terrible at their job, and regardless of how friendly they are, they will not sell a lot of services or products. This is the exact reason as to why they are my favorite type of phone salesman.
Doing the most normal and monotonous things have been irritating me recently, and the reason behind it, is that my dog, Buddy, passed away, as I told you earlier. He wasn’t old either, just shy of 4 years when he passed away. Apparently he was born with a weak heart, something I didn’t know until last week, and so, that was the reason behind his passing.
I had been grumpy for the past week now, and it wasn’t looking like I was going to ride out the wave within the coming week. My coworkers, who I was very close with, knew this, and were kind enough to help me, as well as not bother me with annoying and arduous tasks for the two to three weeks it would take me to grieve. Or at least get through the worst.
It was 4 pm and I was trying to finish the two remaining tasks of the day. I was looking forward to going home in an hour to drink some wine, cry, and perhaps read a book.
My personal phone rang.
Ring ring ring
“Hello, this is Elliot Lakefield from Canopy Private Equity, how may I help you?” I answered, despite it being my personal phone.
“Hi, I’m Laura from Mitra, we are a company that have helped a few of your neighbors, we’re called Mitra, and we’re calling in regards to apartment complex 5B on Hillfield Garden, are you the owner of apartment 51?” She quickly sped through the name of the company as if to hide her intentions.
“Yes, that is me,” I said. Another company, but it sounded serious. Is Mitra a company that the apartment complex has hired for something?
“We recently found out about the passing of your dog, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I’ve had three dogs myself, and it never gets easier. How old did he get?”
“Why are you bringing up my dog? How do you know that he passed away?” I was more confused than I was angry, pulled from the midst of work, trying to finalize the last tasks of the day. If I hadn’t been confused, or if I hadn’t been so easily lost in thought as of late, I would have likely understood what the caller was looking to do.
“Our company helps people when their companions pass away. We recently helped out your neighbor when his cat passed away, you might have seen it, a gray Scottish Fold?”
“I still don’t know why you’re calling me about this, are you trying to sell me something?”
“I’m calling to see if you would want some help with a funeral, location, headstone, cremation et cetera.”
“You’re fucking insane, you know? To call someone and see if they would want to buy your services like this.”
“I hear you’re upset, that wasn’t my intention. But as I’m required to, I have to ask if you would also want our service in sourcing a new dog for you, to mend the loss.”
